The 90 Day Fiancé franchise has become a popular source of entertainment for viewers everywhere. While fans generally live for the drama, it is often forgotten that the cast is comprised of real people with real issues. This season of Before the 90 Days features two cast members that are dealing with difficult mental health issues: Amanda and the grief of being a young widow, and Jasmine’s relationship trauma. Both issues are lightly mentioned, but watching them arise in the interactions with their partners feels uncomfortable to watch — not only that, but it’s clear that they are not being offered the help they need. TLC has the power to step in and address these issues, which could potentially lead to some really powerful story growth. Making a move like this would be hugely beneficial to the cast members present and future, but it’s clear that they won’t do that. Here's why choosing an exploitative route isn’t going to benefit them in the long run.
RELATED: TLC Has Become More Exploitative Than Educational
‘90 Day Fiancé’ Takes Exploitation Up a Notch
TLC has gone from being The Learning Channel to an exploitative reality tv network over the past 20 years. It's an obvious change that isn’t necessarily a terrible thing. After all, it's the nature of reality tv in general, so for the most part it's tolerable. People on and off-screen are all too aware of what they are getting themselves into as participants and as watchers. Lately, however, the casts of the shows are getting noticeably more troubled.
90 Day Fiancé started out as a series dedicated to helping people understand the K-1 visa process by showcasing real couples going through the process. There were of course some couples in the beginning that were not necessarily on the same page about their relationships, but for the most part, the couples were real people who were in love with each other. The show hasn’t changed much in that regard; what has changed are the kinds of couples that are being cast on the show. There have already been rumors of the series purposefully casting people with unique medical conditions, but there have also been several cast members with clear and obvious mental health issues that were not addressed. Both the physical and mental health issues have either been ignored or used for humor.
Grief and Trauma Are Prevalent This Season of ‘90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days’
This season, there are two particular couples with unattended mental health issues. First, there is Amanda, the young widow in a relationship with Romanian influencer Razvan. Amanda is a mother who lost her husband to cancer six months before she began talking to Razvan. Everyone grieves in their own way, but it is pretty clear immediately that Amanda may have jumped too soon into her new relationship. She went through the traumatic experience of watching her husband become sick and pass away very quickly. Grief is a difficult situation to navigate, especially when the loss is so unexpected. Razvan became a source of comfort to her in the midst of her grief, and it is highly likely that she assumed this comfort was enough to jump back into a romantic situation, especially with someone who is thousands of miles away. Imagining an opportunity to start fresh with someone new is much easier when they aren’t right in front of you.
When she finally met Razvan, the red flags immediately began to fly. She was clearly uncomfortable with him showing her affection upon arrival. While she may not have anticipated this issue, it isn’t at all surprising. Her late husband was her partner for 11 years, and he was the only man she had ever been with intimately. Of course she was uncomfortable! When they arrive at his place from the airport the discomfort continues when she speaks to her children over Facetime. She becomes overwhelmed with the desire to go home, insisting that her kids need her and that she felt like she had abandoned them. This seems to be an excuse; children are more resilient than most, and given that they were staying with family members, they were probably just fine. It seemed more like an excuse to get away from Razvan. The comfort he provided online over their months of talking was not there when she joined him in person. This was the first instance of her making excuses, and it certainly isn’t the last.
She continues to find reasons to be angry with Razvan, and from the outside looking in, they seem a bit frivolous. Her jealousy over his online career is 100% normal; it’s the other tiny nitpicky things that stand out. Her complaints scream, "I am uncomfortable," but it's easy to see why she is working so hard to ignore those feelings. Acknowledging them would mean that she isn’t ready for a new relationship. Acknowledging them would mean that she is still grieving, which is a place she doesn’t want to be in. Grief is a complex emotion and many people try to rush past it because it is too difficult to deal with. It’s understandable that she doesn’t want to deal with it, but what she doesn’t realize is that it will ultimately lead to her relationship with Razvan ending — and from the way things are looking currently, that is very likely to happen.
Meanwhile, Jasmine and Gino have been on Before the 90 Days in the previous season, and their issues were clear from the jump. Gino did a repulsive thing by sending her nudes to his ex-girlfriend in an effort to brag, and it led to her losing her career as a teacher. Most people would be done after a betrayal like that, but these two weirdos clearly love each other, and they were able to mend their issues before the season ended. Now they are back and there are new glaring issues; primarily money. Jasmine’s behavior is pretty gold-digger, but that doesn’t mean she is one. Jasmine has shared in minor details the issues she had in the past with her ex-husband, and how he left her with nothing. Her desire for nice things from Gino likely stems from that. It’s less about the items themselves and more about the feeling of being taken care of. She identifies things with safety. They make her feel safe and secure, and unfortunately, Gino is having to deal with that.
There is also her focus on their lack of a sex life. Gino is having difficulty connecting physically due to their fighting and other issues, and Jasmine is fixated on this. It is making her feel insecure, too insecure, in fact. She is a beautiful and funny woman who is smart, but it is also easy to see that she has depended primarily on her beauty as her main attraction. It seems to be the reason she wanted injections and plastic surgery, her body is what makes her feel worthy. When her body is being ignored, she feels like it means that she is not loved. This also seems like a trauma response, but as always, this is all based on what’s being shown.
TLC Needs to Do Better With This Season of ‘90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days’
This season of 90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days has shown viewers one person going through a crisis of grief and another whose traumatic past has led to violent outbursts and hypersexual fixation. As a viewer, it has become very hard to watch these people struggle with no assistance. They are literally crying for help, and given that they are sharing their lives with millions of people, TLC is responsible for putting them in these heightened situations, forcing them to play out on camera, and forcing viewers to bear witness to it. It would be so powerful to watch them receive the help they need; to witness them going to therapy and seeing their issues for what they actually are. Doing something like that could help thousands of people with the issues they are dealing with in their own lives. However, given the current state of capitalism, it’s unlikely that something like this will ever happen. At the end of the day, drama sells, even at the cost of lives, and unfortunately, it seems like TLC won’t do anything unless something disastrous happens.
