Vince Shlomi, the spazzy Shamwow guy, can’t catch a break these days. He claims to have nearly gotten his tongue bit off by a hooker he was accused of pummeling (charges were dropped). Then he got into a car crash and had to be hospitalized. Oh yeah, all in Miami Beach, of course.

Here, College Humor gives a glimpse of what life behind bars for Mr. Shamwow might have looked like had things turned out even worse for him.